He's a Witch!
by firesong77
Summary: After crash landing on a primitive planet, Chiro is accused of witchcraft after a simple Monkey Fu, and is scheduled to be burned at the stake the next day. Can the monkeys save him? COMPLETE! Read the important Author's Note!
1. Crash landing

**He's a Witch! **

After crash landing on a primitive planet, Chiro is accused of witchcraft after a simple Monkey Fu, and is scheduled to be burned at the stake the next day. Can the monkeys save him? Read and Review!

**Well, Chiro's being accused of witchcraft. Need I say more? Read and Review!**

**Chapter one - Crash landing**

Chiro looked around for any more pieces of the Citadel of Bone. So far, nothing.

"You found anything?" he asked Gibson. Gibson's face appeared on a small screen in front of Chiro.

"Sorry, Chiro." came the reply. "Nothing."

The Torso Tank spun around, just as Chiro saw a flash of light grey. "Got one!" he shouted. Chiro zoomed after the Citadel of Bone piece, when it suddenly turned around and stabbed right through the Torso Tank.

"AAHHH!" Chiro shouted. "It crashed into me!"

Antauri's face replaced Gibson's on the screen. "I saw it!" he said urgently. "How much damage?"

"Heaps!" Chiro replied. "Power's failing! I'm losing control!"

"The piece of the Citadel of Bone is nowhere in sight!" said Antauri. "Chiro! You're out of control!"

"I NOTICED!" Chiro shouted, as the Torso Tank went spinning through space.

"I'm... I'm losing contact!" Chiro cried as the screen fuzzed. "Antauri! Come in, Antauri!"

Before he knew it, the other monkeys were out of range. "MONKEYS!" Chiro shouted desperately. "COME IN, MONKEY TEAM!"

Nothing happened. But he noticed a small planet was in sight. From where Chiro was, the planet looked extremely primitive. There were no cars, and it looked like the Middle Ages on Earth.

Chiro remembered he was out of control, and he was heading straight for the planet. Before he knew it, he was falling through the atmosphere at high speed.

With a loud boom, the Torso Tank crashed on the planet's surface.

Chiro groaned. He'd had better landings.

He slowly crawled out of the Torso Tank, and looked around. There was a small town in the distance, and Chiro made his way over to it.

After walking for about an hour or so, he made it to the town. Everyone stared at him strangely, since he was still in his Hyper mode gear. Chiro took no notice.

Suddenly, a man in dark clothes ran over to a woman next to Chiro, and the man stole her purse. (These people had purses, okay?)

"STOP! THEIF!" she screamed.

"I'll take care of him!" said Chiro gallantly. "MONKEY FU!"

The man fell to the floor, unconscious. Chiro grinned, and picked up the purse and handed it to the lady. She screamed and ran off.

"What the hell...?" said Chiro, and suddenly, an angry mob of people surrounded him.

"What's going on?" Chiro shouted.

"HE'S A WITCH!" was the only response.

**Chiro's a witch! Chiro's a witch!**

**Chiro: Am not!**

**Me: Are so!**

**Chiro: Am not!**

**Me: Are so! Anyways, review right now! Yes, NOW! Review and I won't be too hard on Chiro... not...**

**Chiro: I heard that!**

**Me: Dammit...**


	2. WITCH!

**Yo yo yo! Here I am, and Chiro is scheduled for the stake! MUAHAHAHAHA!**

**Chiro: Shut up.**

**Me: YOU shut up, or I'll... I'll... I'll be forced to... to... do something.**

**Chiro: (rolls eyes) Yeah, totally.**

**Me: No really, I will. And it'll be in this chapter!**

**Chiro: Uh oh...**

**Chapter two - WITCH! (not the TV show)**

Chiro was pulled into a strange building, where a weird guy in a huge wig was standing.

"What is it?" he asked in a strangely high voice.

"He's a WITCH!" someone shouted.

"How do you know he is a witch?" said Big Wig.

"He made all this green light come out of nowhere!"

"And he's got a wart!"

"No I don't!" shouted Chiro.

"And he turned me into a toad!" someone else shouted. Everyone turned and stared at him.

"I... I got better." he stammered.

Big Wig looked at Chiro closely. "He does look like a witch..." he said. "And he has funny clothes on."

"But these aren't my normal clothes!" Chiro shouted, and to prove it he went out of Hyper mode and into normal mode. That just made things worse.

"HE'S A WITCH!" someone screamed.

"WE HAVE PROOF!" someone else shouted.

"AND HIS WART'S GOTTEN BIGGER!"

"I don't have a wart, you dumb ass!" Chiro snapped.

A huge gasp echoed through the crowd. "He said a bad word!" someone whispered.

Big Wig grinned. "He will be burned at the stake tomorrow morning!"

"Aww," someone groaned. "Why not now?"

"Because I said!" snapped Big Wig, his voice even higher than usual. "Now take him away!"

"You- You can't take me away!" Chiro shouted. "I AM THE LEADER OF THE SUPER ROBOT MONKEY TEAM! I'M NOT A BLOODY **WITCH**!"

Another gasp ran through the crowd. "He said another bad word!" they all cried.

"What's a robot?" someone piped up.

"Well," said Chiro uncomfortably. "They aren't actually robots, they're cyborgs."

"What's a cyborg?" someone else said loudly.

"Half robot, half monkey." Chiro replied.

"What's a robot?"

"That doesn't matter!" cried Big Wig. "He has a witch's knowledge!"

And the crowd began to drag Chiro away. They pulled him over to a old, dirty jail, where they locked him up to be burned the next day.

Chiro sighed. This was not his day.

------

The monkeys watched in horror as Chiro's Torso Tank went sailing away.

"We've got to help him!" cried Nova.

"But where did he go?" said Otto, confused.

Chiro was nowhere in sight.

"Monkeys!" said Antauri, taking control. "Split up, and try to find him! If you cannot find him after about two hours, come back here!"

"Right!" came the reply.

"Good." said Antauri. "Monkeys, MOBILIZE!"

**Heh heh heh... locked in a dirty cell... gonna scheduled for the stake the next day... Yeah, this really aint your day, Chiro!**

**Chiro: I hate you.**

**Me: Don't be mean...**

**Chiro: Why not?**

**Me: Coz maybe... just maybe I won't be so hard on you... depends on the reviewers. Shall I show mercy to Chiro in the story? Or shall I not? Your choice, dearest reviewers!**


	3. Pepper and The Big Day

**Hiya! Here I am again! With heaps of Chiro torture time!**

**Chiro: Oh no...**

**Me: MUA HA HA HA HA!... anyway, read and review!**

**Chapter three - Pepper and The Big Day**

Chiro sat down in the dirty cell, feeling terribly sorry for himself. This day was not going to plan.

_Hey, _he wondered, _why don't I just Monkey Fu the wall down? _Chiro decided not to, for the Power Primate had gotten him into a lot of trouble that day.

But he did it anyway. "MONKEY FU!" he shouted, and the wall was blown down.

Suddenly, a heap of security guards were on to him in a flash. All armed with...

"Salt shakers?" asked Chiro, confused. "What do you need salt for?"

"It's not salt that's in there!" spat the first guard. "It's PEPPER!" And with that, he sprayed pepper all over Chiro's face.

"ARRRGHHH!" Chiro shouted, and began coughing and sneezing like crazy. Well, who wouldn't?

"IT SEEMS THAT PEPPER IS HIS MAIN WEAKNESS!" shouted a second guard, and everyone was all over him, spraying pepper in his face.

"ARE YOU (sneeze) DONE (cough cough) YET? (double sneeze)" Chiro spluttered, his mouth full of spicy black pepper (yuk).

The crowd threw him into an even dirtier cell, and locked the twenty-seven locks on the door.

Chiro sat down, spat the pepper from his mouth and wiped it from his eyes. He decided not to escape until morning.

------

Antauri searched and searched until he nearly fell asleep. But there was no sign of Chiro.

_Where could he be? _Antauri wondered. He checked the clock on the radar in front of him.

He cursed. The two hours were up. Hopefully, the other monkey's searches would have been more successful. Little did he know that his leader's life was at stake...

------

It was about seven in the morning. The sun was about to rise, and Chiro had just woken up.

He looked around, and realized he was still on the stupid planet, and still locked in the dumb cell.

"I hate primitive planets." Chiro muttered, just as ten guards marched into the jail.

"PRIMITIVE?" the leader shouted. "We are the most advanced civilization in the universe!"

"All right then," said Chiro. "What shape is this planet?"

"FLAT AND SQUARE!" they shouted in unison.

"WRONG!" Chiro shouted back. "IT'S FAT AND ROUND! I'VE SEEN IT MYSELF!"

"That doesn't matter!" snapped the leader guard. "You're coming with us!" The guard slowly approached Chiro and grabbed his wrists. That's when Chiro got an idea.

"STOP!" he shouted. He wrenched his arm free and shoved it into the guard's face. "I'll... I'll use my magical evil powers to... to... make you... itchy!"

The guard went white, but he grabbed Chiro's arm and held it firmly. "Your evil powers of itchiness don't scare me!" he said, though he didn't sound too sure. So he ordered all his comrades to grab Chiro and pull him into the town square.

"W-Wait!" Chiro stammered. "I was... kidding! I'm not a witch... Being a witch is a girl thing! I'm not a girl!"

"Then..." said a guard, deep in thought. "Then you're an ENCHANTER!"

Chiro rolled his eyes. He really hated primitive planets.

**Like it? Don't like it? Well, you'd better like it, coz it took me AGES!... well, a day or so... That doesn't matter. REVIEW!**


	4. The Stake and fixing the TT

**Well, here I am! But is the last chapter... But just to tell you, this was one of my favourite story to write! I _love _torturing people/monkeys/robot monkeys/Skeleton King!**

**Chapter four - The Stake (ooh!) and fixing the T.T (Torso Tank)**

Chiro was dragged into the town centre, where there was a ready-made stake, and a few matches. (These people have matches, no matter how primitive)

"You- You can't burn me!" Chiro complained. "I don't like fire! And... I don't like smoke! And I don't like being burnt! Especially in front of a crowd!"

"Shut up!" someone shouted.

"... and I don't like matches, because they cause fires, and I don't like people screaming, and I don't like people wearing big wigs, and I hate it when people with big wigs are screaming and holding matches!"

"SHUT UP!" several people screamed.

Finally, Chiro had run out of things to complain about, and had finally decided to shut up.

Guards held Chiro down, and tied him to the stake. No matter how hard he tried, Chiro couldn't break free.

"I hate wooden stakes." muttered Chiro, but luckily, the crowd didn't hear him.

------

The monkeys met up in the place they had lost Chiro.

"Where do you think he is?" asked Gibson, worried.

"Who knows?" said Antauri quietly.

"Me." said Sparx. "I was exploring this area in sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha (recognize that?) when I saw this real primitive planet. I think Chiro may have crash landed there."

"Why didn't you say something?" cried Antauri.

"Dunno." mumbled the red monkey. "I sorta forgot about it 'til now."

"We have to save Chiro!" shouted Nova, and they took off at top speed towards the planet on which Chiro was about to be burnt at the stake.

------

Big Wig from chapter two held a burning match next to the pieces of wood at Chiro's feet. A burning smell reached Chiro, and he found ten thousand more things to complain about. But he decided not to talk about them, especially if the listeners were about to burn him at the stake.

After a while of waiting, the wood pieces caught alight. Chiro began to panic, and started to blow hysterically at the flames that were spreading around him.

"Don't worry, Chiro!" cried a familiar voice. "I'll save you!" Chiro recognized the little yellow figure of Nova pushing through the crowd, followed by the other four monkeys.

"Nova!" Chiro yelled. "Get me outta here!" He noticed the flames were getting dangerously close to his feet.

"I'm coming- AGHHH!" Nova cried, as she was bonked on the head with a metal bar. The culprit grinned proudly, and suddenly fell to the ground unconscious. Behind him stood a very angry Sparx.

"Nobody injures a member of the Monkey Team and gets away with it!" he growled. But when Gibson was smashed in the face by an angry by-stander, Sparx did nothing but ask Gibson if he needed assistance.

Gibson rolled his eyes, and got up to fight the blood-thirsty mob.

In the meantime, Chiro could feel the heat of a flame threatening to burn his leg. "Back off!" Chiro muttered, and spat on the flame. Nothing happened. Well, when I say 'nothing', I mean the mob got angrier and the fire burnt its way onto Chiro's foot.

"GET ME OUTTA HERE!" Chiro roared at the monkeys. "YOU CAN FIGHT FORMLESS BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN FIGHT A FEW NORMAL PEOPLE?"

That made the monkeys angry. They fought harder, stronger and faster. When Otto had an idea.

"Why don't we just activate our rocket packs?" he suggested.

The monkeys looked at each other in delight. They activated their rocket packs, and flew over to Chiro. By that time, the Chosen One was mad. Very mad.

"Took your time." he muttered. "Can't even battle a lot of freakin' commoners." The monkeys looked at each other guiltily.

"WILL YOU JUST PUT OUT THE DAMN FIRE!" Chiro yelled. "I'M BURNING HERE AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS WATCH!"

"Oh, right!" said Sparx, and flew over the crowd to get some water.

"The monkey is saving the enchanter!" someone cried, but the people were too scared to stop the red monkey.

Sparx returned and chucked all this water at Chiro, leaving him wet and annoyed, and with very burnt shoes.

"Let's get outta here!" whispered Nova, just as Big Wig grabbed Antauri's head.

"These monkeys have been enchanted by the enchanter!" he cried.

Chiro grinned, and pointed a finger at Big Wig. "Let go of Antauri or I'll make you get extremely itchy!" he said.

Big Wig instantly let go.

"Quickly!" said Otto. "Before they get brave and start attacking us!" He grabbed Chiro's arm and activated his rocket pack. The rest of the team followed, and zoomed away from the primitive town.

------

"It's over there!" shouted Chiro, pointing to a smoking spot in the distance. That was, in fact, the Torso Tank.

"Can you fix it, Otto?" asked Nova.

"Yeah, probably." he replied airily. "But I'll need help from Gibson."

Gibson sighed. "So long as you don't sing nursery rhymes while we work." he said in a bored voice.

Otto grinned. "I won't!" he said. Maybe he wouldn't, but Gibson reckoned he saw a glint in Otto's eye. That green monkey was planning something...

When they reached the Tank, they turned off the rocket packs, and landed safely. Gibson and Otto started fixing it immediately. And Gibson was right, Otto had planned something to do while they worked. But it wasn't nursery rhymes.

It was limericks.

"There was a young lady called Jeanie," sang Otto,

"Who wore an outrageous bikini.

Two wisps light as hair,

One here and one there,

With nothing but Jeanie betweenie!"

Gibson sighed. If only Otto hadn't found those poems in that second-hand book store...

"An epicure dining at Crewe," Otto chanted,

"Found a rather large mouse in his stew!

Cried the waiter, 'Don't shouted

And wave it about

Or the rest will be wanting one too!'"

Otto finished the limerick with rounds of laughter. Gibson sighed heavily, and continued with the Torso Tank.

Half an hour and seventeen limericks later, the Torso Tank was finished. "Let's get out of this creepy place!" said Nova, jumping into the Foot Cruiser thing. Soon after, they left for Shuggazoom.

**FINISHED! And Chiro, you should be thankful!**

**Chiro: For what? You burning my foot?**

**Me: No! I saved you from getting your butt toasted by a load of dumb-ass people!**

**Chiro: You still burnt my foot.**

**Me: What, were you wearing, like, real expensive Diana Ferrari high-heel shoes?**

**Chiro: No, I was wearing my special Chosen One boot thingies.**

**Me: They're just dumb Chosen One boot thingies!**

**Chiro: THEY'RE ONE-OF-A-KIND!**

**Me: I don't care! (turns to reviewers-to-be) Now, review! Right now!... or I won't update... oh wait, this is the last chapter, isn't it? Oh well. Review anyway!**


	5. Author's Note

**Just a note. Please read.**

**To all those reviewers, or those lazy people who read but didn't review:**

Well, to avoid confusion, I have decided to add this note to tell you that the primitive planet is NOT Earth.

Well, sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha _is _Earth in 'Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy', but it's not Earth in 'He's a Witch', okay? I just wrote down sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha because it sounds cool. So... yeah. That's about it.

Okay, this isn't a real chapter, but review anyway.

**From the author, the one and only firesong77**


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